Category: Journal

  • Why Role Play Turns On Your Biggest Sex Organ: Your Brain

    Why Role Play Turns On Your Biggest Sex Organ: Your Brain

    Sex therapists like to say that the biggest sex organ isn’t below the belt. It’s between your ears. Desire starts with anticipation, imagination and a little mystery, and that’s exactly why role play can be such a thrill. If you’re looking for fresh roleplay ideas for couples or simple ways to spice up your relationship, here’s why playing pretend works so well.

    Your brain is where arousal begins

    Before your body responds, your brain is already busy: noticing, imagining, anticipating, deciding that this moment feels exciting and safe. The brain’s reward system releases dopamine when we expect something pleasurable, and especially when something feels new. That’s why a first kiss can feel electric and a routine can, over time, feel a little flat. Novelty wakes up the reward circuits that familiarity lulls to sleep.

    Science says: novelty fuels desire

    Psychologist Amy Muise and colleagues at York University studied couples in long-term relationships. Over three weeks of daily diaries, partners who did more new, exciting or challenging activities together reported more sexual desire, were more likely to have sex, and felt more satisfied with their sex lives and relationships. In their studies, couples were roughly a quarter to a third more likely to have sex on days full of novelty, and the effect was strongest for couples who’d been together longest.

    Role play is novelty you can bring home. You get to be someone new, see your partner in a new way, and step outside your everyday roles (parent, coworker, the one who remembers to take out the trash) for an evening.

    Fantasy is completely normal

    If you’ve ever felt shy about your fantasies, you are in very good company. Social psychologist Dr. Justin Lehmiller surveyed 4,175 Americans about their favorite sexual fantasies. Among the most common themes were passion and romance, power and control, and novelty, adventure and variety. Role play gives all of those a playful, consensual outlet.

    Easy roleplay ideas for couples

    • Strangers at a bar. Arrive separately, “meet” for the first time and flirt like you’re starting from zero.
    • The boss and the new hire. A classic power-play fantasy, with clear boundaries agreed ahead of time.
    • Doctor or nurse. One of the most popular sexy costumes for a reason: a little authority, a lot of attention.
    • The French maid. Playful, flirty and endlessly fun.
    • Historical romance. Channel Bridgerton or Outlander: corsets, candlelight and longing glances.
    • The photographer and the muse. Slow, admiring, and wonderfully indulgent.

    Dress the part

    A costume or a beautiful piece of lingerie does half the work for you. The moment you slip it on, your brain gets the signal: tonight is different. Start with a few of our favorites:

    Want to set the mood with a story first? Read a chapter aloud from a romance on The Forbidden Shelf, like The Duke and I or Anaïs Nin’s Delta of Venus.

    How to start (without the awkwardness)

    1. Talk first, outside the bedroom. Share a fantasy or two over coffee, when there’s no pressure.
    2. Agree on boundaries and a safe word. Anyone can pause or stop at any time, no questions asked.
    3. Start small. A new outfit, a new name or a new setting is plenty for a first try.
    4. Laugh. Giggling isn’t a failure. It’s part of the fun and builds trust.
    5. Check in afterward. Talk about what you loved and what you’d like to try next time.

    Shop Lingerie & Costumes →

    Sources

  • Falling Sperm Counts and Rising Infertility: Why Your Underwear Matters

    Falling Sperm Counts and Rising Infertility: Why Your Underwear Matters

    It’s one of the biggest health stories most people have never heard about. Around the world, sperm counts are falling, and infertility is becoming more common for men and women alike. The good news: some of the everyday habits linked to low sperm count are surprisingly easy to change, starting with what you wear.

    Sperm counts have fallen by more than half

    In 2022, an international team led by Professor Hagai Levine of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem and Dr. Shanna Swan of Mount Sinai published the largest analysis of its kind in Human Reproduction Update. Pooling data from 53 countries, they found that sperm counts declined by more than 50% over 46 years, with a drop of over 1% per year. Even more worrying, the decline appears to have sped up since 2000.

    Infertility isn’t only a men’s issue, of course. The World Health Organization estimates that roughly 1 in 6 people worldwide experience infertility at some point in their lives. In about half of couples who struggle to conceive, a male factor is involved.

    What’s behind the decline?

    Researchers point to a mix of causes, and many of them are modern:

    • Endocrine-disrupting chemicals such as phthalates and some pesticides, which can interfere with reproductive hormones. Dr. Swan has spent decades studying how these exposures affect fertility.
    • Heat. Testicles hang outside the body for a reason: sperm production works best a few degrees cooler than core body temperature.
    • Lifestyle factors like smoking, heavy drinking, excess weight, poor sleep and long hours of sitting.

    Boxers vs. briefs: what the science says

    A Harvard study published in Human Reproduction in 2018 followed 656 men and found that those who usually wore loose boxers had about 25% higher sperm concentration and 17% higher total sperm count than men who wore tighter underwear. The researchers believe heat is the likely reason: tight styles hold the testicles close to the body and keep them warmer. (The men were patients at a fertility clinic, and the study shows a link rather than proof, but the finding fits what we know about heat and sperm.)

    If you’re wondering how to increase sperm count naturally, switching to looser, breathable underwear is one of the easiest places to start.

    Why organic, breathable fabrics are a smart choice

    When it comes to the fabric against your most sensitive skin, natural fibers make sense. Organic cotton is grown without synthetic pesticides, and natural fibers breathe better than many synthetics, helping you stay cooler and drier. That’s why so many health-conscious men are switching to organic underwear for men.

    What about silver underwear?

    You may have seen silver underwear woven with silver threads and marketed as EMF-shielding. We believe in being honest with you: silver fibers are well known for being naturally antibacterial, so they help with odor and freshness. But experts say there isn’t yet solid evidence that phones or Wi-Fi harm sperm, or that silver-lined underwear protects fertility. If you love the feel and the freshness, wonderful. Just choose a loose, breathable cut, because the heat benefit of boxers is the part the research actually supports.

    Our sister shop, Tried and True, curates organic and silver-woven underwear and other clean essentials for men. Shop men’s organic underwear at Tried and True →

    More ways to protect your fertility

    • Keep laptops off your lap and take breaks from long periods of sitting.
    • Go easy on hot tubs and saunas if you’re trying to conceive.
    • Eat plenty of zinc-rich foods (like oysters and pumpkin seeds) and antioxidant-rich fruits and vegetables. See our guide to foods that support a healthy libido.
    • Choose fragrance-free personal care products and a clean, paraben-free lube, especially if you’re trying for a baby.
    • Store and heat food in glass rather than plastic to cut down on phthalate and BPA exposure.
    • Stop smoking, limit alcohol, and prioritize sleep.

    If you and your partner have been trying to conceive for a year (or six months if the woman is over 35), it’s worth seeing a fertility specialist. A simple semen analysis is quick and painless.

    This article is for general information and isn’t medical advice. Please talk with your doctor about any fertility concerns.

    Sources

  • Is Your Lube Hurting Your Sex Life? Endocrine Disruptors and the Best Body-Safe Lubes

    Is Your Lube Hurting Your Sex Life? Endocrine Disruptors and the Best Body-Safe Lubes

    Most of us read the label on our food more carefully than the label on our lube. But lubricant goes on some of the most absorbent, delicate tissue in the body. If you’re looking for the best organic lube or a truly body-safe lube, here’s what the research says to avoid, and what to look for instead.

    What are endocrine disruptors?

    Endocrine disruptors are chemicals that can interfere with the body’s hormone system, the same system that drives desire, arousal and fertility. Two families come up again and again in personal care products:

    • Parabens (methylparaben, propylparaben, butylparaben and others) are preservatives. Lab studies show they have weak estrogen-like activity, which is why many people and brands now choose paraben-free lube.
    • Phthalates are chemicals used to soften plastics and carry synthetic fragrance. They can hide in products under the single word “fragrance” and are common in cheap “jelly” sex toys.

    Could these really affect your sex drive? One study in Hormones and Behavior measured phthalate levels in 360 women. Those with the highest levels of a common phthalate (DEHP) were about two and a half times as likely to report frequently lacking interest in sex. It’s one study and it shows a link rather than proof, but it’s a good reason to cut unnecessary exposure where you easily can, starting with what you put on your most intimate skin.

    The ingredients to skip in lube

    • Parabens (anything ending in “-paraben”)
    • Fragrance, perfume or “flavor”, which can hide phthalates and irritants
    • Glycerin and propylene glycol in high amounts. They make lube super-concentrated (more on that below), and glycerin is a sugar alcohol that some people find triggers yeast irritation.
    • Nonoxynol-9, a spermicide that irritates delicate tissue
    • Warming, tingling or numbing agents such as menthol, capsaicin or benzocaine
    • Chlorhexidine, a harsh antiseptic preservative that can disrupt healthy vaginal bacteria

    Osmolality: the hidden factor most people never hear about

    Osmolality measures how concentrated a lube is compared with your own cells. When a lube is far more concentrated than your body’s fluids, it can pull water out of the tissue it touches, leaving it dry, irritated and more vulnerable. The World Health Organization advises that personal lubricants ideally stay under about 380 mOsm/kg and no higher than 1,200. Yet many popular drugstore brands measure 2,000 to 6,000 or more, mostly because of glycerin and propylene glycol.

    That’s also why lube choice matters if you’re trying to conceive: concentrated, glycerin-heavy formulas aren’t friendly to sperm. Look for products labeled fertility-friendly if you’re trying for a baby.

    pH matters too

    A healthy vagina is naturally acidic, around pH 3.8 to 4.5. A lube close to that range helps protect the good bacteria that keep things balanced. For anal play, a neutral pH (5.5 to 7) is more comfortable.

    The best body-safe lubes (and why we carry them)

    Good Clean Love Almost Naked

    Good Clean Love Almost Naked Organic Lubricant is one of the few mainstream lubes that independent lab testing has shown to be close to the body’s own concentration (about 269 mOsm/kg in a 2012 study). It’s organic, water-based and made without parabens or glycerin. A great everyday pick.

    Sliquid Organics Natural

    Sliquid Organics Natural is an aloe-based lube made with plant ingredients and no glycerin or parabens. It’s water-based, so it’s safe with condoms and silicone toys.

    maude Shine

    maude Shine Organic Lubricant keeps things simple, with a short list of organic, aloe-based ingredients and no fragrance. A beautiful bottle for your nightstand, too.

    Coconu Oil-Based

    If you love a richer, longer-lasting glide, Coconu Oil-Based Lubricant is made with organic coconut oil. One important note: oil-based lubes break down latex, so don’t use it with latex condoms.

    Quick guide: choosing a lube

    • Everyday and with condoms: a water-based, glycerin-free, paraben-free formula
    • With silicone toys: water-based (silicone lube can damage silicone toys)
    • Long-lasting massage and solo play without latex: an organic oil-based option
    • Trying to conceive: a fertility-friendly, iso-osmolar lube

    Shop our clean lubes →

    This article is for general information and isn’t medical advice. If you have ongoing irritation, pain or infections, please see your healthcare provider.

    Sources

  • Natural Aphrodisiacs: Foods and Organic Supplements That Support a Healthy Libido

    Natural Aphrodisiacs: Foods and Organic Supplements That Support a Healthy Libido

    Can what you eat really change your sex drive? The honest answer: food isn’t a magic switch, but your diet shapes the things desire depends on, like blood flow, hormones, energy and mood. If you’re searching for how to increase libido naturally, your kitchen is a very good place to start.

    Why diet and libido are connected

    Arousal is, at its core, a circulation event. Whatever keeps your blood vessels healthy tends to help your sex life, too. That’s why researchers keep finding links between heart-healthy eating and sexual function. In a study of 250 middle-aged men with high blood pressure presented at the European Society of Cardiology Congress in 2021, those who ate closest to a Mediterranean diet had better blood flow, higher testosterone and better erectile performance than men who ate the least Mediterranean way. (That study shows a link, not proof of cause, but it fits a long line of similar findings.)

    The flip side matters too. Diets heavy in ultra-processed food, sugar and alcohol are tied to weight gain, poor sleep and blood-sugar swings, none of which do your desire any favors.

    Foods that support a healthy libido

    • Leafy greens and beets. Rich in natural nitrates, which your body uses to make nitric oxide, a molecule that helps blood vessels relax.
    • Extra-virgin olive oil, nuts and avocado. The backbone of the Mediterranean diet, full of healthy fats your body uses to make hormones.
    • Oily fish like salmon and sardines. Omega-3 fats support heart and blood vessel health.
    • Oysters and pumpkin seeds. Two of the richest food sources of zinc, a mineral involved in testosterone production and sperm health.
    • Pomegranates, berries and dark cherries. Packed with polyphenol antioxidants. (Yes, there’s a reason our logo is a pomegranate.)
    • Dark chocolate. Cacao flavanols support circulation, and let’s be honest: it puts everyone in a better mood.
    • Watermelon. Contains citrulline, which the body converts into arginine, a building block of nitric oxide.
    • Whole grains and legumes. Steady energy and fiber keep blood sugar (and your mood) on an even keel.
    • Water. Unsexy but true: even mild dehydration saps energy and contributes to dryness.

    The classic natural aphrodisiacs

    Beyond everyday food, people have turned to certain roots and herbs for centuries. Here are three organic options we carry and love.

    1. Maca root

    Maca is a radish-like root grown high in the Peruvian Andes, where it has been eaten for generations for energy and stamina. It’s the most researched of the traditional natural aphrodisiacs. A systematic review in BMC Complementary and Alternative Medicine found four small randomized trials; most reported some benefit for sexual desire or function, but the authors called the evidence “limited” because the studies were small. In other words: promising, gentle, and worth trying as food, not a miracle pill.

    We like The Maca Team’s Organic Raw Red Maca Powder. It’s certified organic and fair trade, sourced directly from Peruvian farmers, and has a malty, butterscotch-like taste that disappears into smoothies, coffee or oatmeal.

    2. Adaptogen blends

    Adaptogens are herbs and mushrooms traditionally used to help the body handle stress. Since stress is one of the biggest libido killers out there, a calming evening ritual can be its own kind of foreplay. Moon Juice Sex Dust blends adaptogenic herbs into a rich, chocolatey powder you can stir into warm milk or cacao. Think of it as a cozy nightcap.

    3. Herbal libido formulas

    If you prefer capsules, Gaia Herbs makes two of the most popular libido supplements in natural food stores: Gaia Herbs Women’s Libido and Gaia Herbs Male Libido. Gaia is a family-run company known for growing and sourcing its herbs carefully and testing them for purity. Suzy uses Gaia herbs herself.

    Lifestyle still matters most

    No food or supplement can outrun poor sleep, constant stress or a sedentary routine. The most reliable ways to boost libido are wonderfully simple: sleep seven to nine hours, move your body most days, drink less alcohol, and make unhurried time for each other. If your desire has dropped suddenly or you’re having trouble with arousal, talk with your doctor, since it can be an early sign of other health issues worth checking.

    Shop all Natural Aphrodisiacs →

    This article is for general information and isn’t medical advice. Supplements have not been evaluated by the FDA and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Check with your doctor before trying herbs if you are pregnant, nursing or take medication, as some herbs can interact with medicines.

    Sources